The following are actual signs seen across the good ol' U.S.A. 
 
 At a Santa Fe gas station:
  "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container." 
 
 In a New York restaurant:
  "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the 
 manager."
 
 On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
  "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. 
                                              --Sisters of Mercy" 
 
 On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 
  "38 years on the same spot."
 
 In a Los Angeles dance hall:
  "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday." 
 
 In a Florida maternity ward:
  "No children allowed."
 
 In a New York drugstore:
  "We dispense with accuracy."
 
 In the offices of a loan company:
  "Ask about our plans for owning your home." 
 
 In a New York medical building:
  "Mental Health Prevention Center" 
 
 On a New York convalescent home:
  "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church." 
 
 On a Maine shop:
  "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and 
   workmanship."
 
 At a number of military bases:
  "Restricted to unauthorized personnel." 
 
 On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: 
  "Now available in multi-packs."
 
 In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
  "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work." 
 
 In a funeral parlor:
  "Ask about our layaway plan."
 
 In a clothing store:
  "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks." 
 
 In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
  "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!" 
 
 On a shopping mall marquee:
  "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced" 
 
 Outside a country shop:
  "We buy junk and sell antiques."
 
 In the window of an Oregon store:
  "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?" 
 
 In a Maine restaurant:
  "Open 7 days a week and weekends." 
 
 On a radiator repair garage:
  "Best place to take a leak."
 
 In the vestry of a New England church:
  "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light 
  is extinguished."
 
 In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
  "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own 
 graves."
 
 On a roller coaster:
  "Watch your head."
 
 On the grounds of a public school:
  "No trespassing without permission." 
 
 On a Tennessee highway:
  "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable." 
 
 Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
  "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car." 
 
 And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise 
 untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says,
  "Do not throw stones at this sign."