You know you are hooked on the 'net when:

    -You kiss your sweetheart's home page.

    -Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll top to bottom.

    -Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.

    -You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.

    -You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity or 
     phone lines.

    -You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a 
     cellular modem and a laptop.

    -You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your 
     lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.

    -All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster 
     connection to  the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.

    -Even your night dreams are in HTML.

    -You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using 
     a word processor.com

    -When you turn off your modem, you get this awful empty feeling, 
     like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

    -You refer to going to the bathroom as "downloading."

    -You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot 
     com."

    -Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see 
     a new WWW site address in print or on TV 

    -You live at:
       http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html

    -You actually try that 123.elm..street address.

    -Your virtual sweetheart finds a new net sweetheart with a 
     larger bandwidth.

    -You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "I've 
     got work to do" and you don't even have a job.

    -Your friends no longer send you e-mail; they just log on to your 
     IRC channel.

    -You buy a Captain Kirk chair with built-in keyboard & mouse.

    -You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines
     useless.

    -You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 
     3.0 or higher."

    -You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP 
     because you never log off.

    -You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair  
     in front of your computer with a toilet.

    -You forget what year it is.

    -You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

    -You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.

    -You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you 
     think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for 
     for"surfing the net".

    -You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed 
     to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."

    -You turn on your computer and turn off your spouse.

    -Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage...so you 
     buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two  
     of you can chat.

    -As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road,  
     your 1st instinct is:  search for the "back" button.